In business, talk about “return on investment” is a way of determining whether or not an investment is “worth it.” If you take account of what you put into your business — resources like time and money — ROI is the ratio of net profit over the total cost of your investment.
Regrettably, it’s a little harder to apply a formula like that to life! Sometimes, when you’re trying to decide whether or not something is “worth it,” it’s really not about value in dollars. It’s about how much emotional currency you’re willing to spend in order to try and resolve a problem or confront a difficult client or colleague.
We ask ourselves all the time in daily life, “Is it worth it?” For example, the other evening I was out for dinner. I ordered one item on the menu, but ended up with something very different. I pointed out the mistake to the waiter, but she wasn’t very helpful. Because the occasion was a family birthday celebration, I didn’t want to make a fuss. Later that evening, I called the restaurant to discuss the issue. To my surprise, the manager, instead of having a reasonable conversation with me, just got angry and yelled at me. I found myself getting angry too. Nothing was achieved. When I hung up the phone I had to ask, “Was that worth it?” The answer was “No!”
Here's what I recommend when situations as this occur. Recognize that, while there are, of course, times when conflict is unavoidable, think twice before jumping in. Consider asking yourself the following questions first, in order to determine if something is “worth it.”
1. What do I hope to achieve?
Don’t let anger or ego drive your actions. Think it through and don’t rush to address an issue. Instead, blow off steam on your own. Then, if you decide the end goal really is important to you (for example, getting a restaurant to reimburse you for an overcharge), pursue the matter. If not, let it go.
2. Is what I’m feeling fair?
It’s easy to jump to conclusions. Take a deep breath and a closer look. Possibly you need to walk back from those conclusions and be more honest about your role in any potential conflict.
3. Can I express myself constructively?
The words you choose can be either positive or negative. To be constructive you have to frame what you want to say or write, in a positive way. Will you really feel better if you express yourself with negativity and obvious anger? Focus on the solution rather than the problem. Be diplomatic.
4. Can I be compassionate?
As the Dalai Lama says, “love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.” Try and understand the other person’s point of view. If things end badly try to forgive the person. After all, you don’t know what’s going on in their life. Similarly, try to look for the good in the situation rather than focussing on what went wrong.
We live in complicated times where people are on edge and are easily offended. The past few years of a global pandemic has meant there is more conflict in all areas of life, some of it petty. So, rather than add to stress and tension — and end up more stressed yourself — take a step back and ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” Don’t spend your emotional currency foolishly — save it for something that truly does matter.
Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.